Finding a partner – possible for some, difficult for other people: why?

Finding a partner – possible for some, difficult for other people: why?

By Petra · Published 19 November, 2012 · Updated 15 August, 2016

Some individuals think it is super easy to meet up partners that are new barely ever have gaps between relationships. It does not make a difference whether their relationships final for decades or months – somehow they manage never to stay single for very long and simply satisfy a fresh love interest soon after splitting up: per month or two passes and… poof! – they’re in a relationship that is new.

If you should be not merely one of them, also it usually takes you much longer to get someone brand new – possibly a 12 months, and on occasion even many years – you will probably find it really puzzling, even irritating. They just do not appear to be any longer “deserving” to have a relationship compared to the sleep of us – just how do they are doing it? What exactly is their key?


A few of them feel since they absolutely dread the thought of being single that they must have someone in their lives all the time, so they keep going from one relationship to the next. Their have to be with some body is more powerful than need to have relationship that is meaningful. As a result of which they barely split up before they meet some body brand new, so they really appear like they find lovers effortlessly: the simple truth is, they simply can’t stay being alone and try everything they are able to to help keep the old relationship, whether or not they are content with it or perhaps not.


Some individuals simply have actually low objectives and requirements. For those who have a checklist that is short of partner qualities, obviously there is certainly more range of feasible matches. And also this allows you to very likely to fall in love – it really is much easier to impress you. We’ve all held it’s place in that spot sooner or later inside our life: keep in mind exactly how effortless it absolutely was whenever you had been a teenager – you can fall in love since you liked someone’s look, or their precious curls, or their amazing green eyes… you can fall in deep love with an image, without also fulfilling the particular individual! Usually with an associate of the teen band that is popular. Or a few them.


But after we emerge from teenage years – we generally add more criteria which can be predicated on something a lot more than look and attraction that is physical character characteristics, life style choices, values, passions – and lots of other stuff. The theory is that, the greater amount of things we increase the list – the trickier it becomes to locate those who match them. Whilst still being, there are several individuals who can do so effortlessly. They may not be needy and afraid of being solitary, and they’ve got a checklist that is sizeable. The trick of the success is self- self- self- confidence they will find just what they’re looking for, and that there is sufficient option out here for them. They find their lovers effortlessly they can because they are convinced!

Often that self- self- confidence arises from previous experiences – with you and attract more successful events, and it becomes a repeating and self-reinforcing effect if you found it easy to find partners earlier in life, that feeling of success will stay. Exact exact Same works closely with the contrary: that it is hard to find someone, and as a consequence it will be once you had problems finding partners for a while, you might develop a belief. Your values will end up your experience, and your experience shall strengthen your philosophy. And in case you put in a idea “I won’t ever find someone” along with that, and begin thinking on it, it’s going to probably get a whole lot worse.


Simple tips to use of the “vicious circle”? By changing your thinking – which can be challenging, however it is truly the only long-lasting way that is efficient. It needs changing not merely your thinking – but your emotions too: thinking positive is very good, but it is perhaps perhaps maybe not sufficient in the event that you don’t feel those ideas are real. Knowing in your heart there is love, it will take place for you personally.


Just just How difficult it really is so that you can find brand new lovers? Does it just just just take you times, months or years between two relationships … what’s your “average” period between severe relationships? (3y in my situation! ).

Many thanks for joining the conversation.

(IMPROVE: feedback about this post are closed. Please go ahead and contact me personally via CONTACT or TRAINING pages for those who have concerns on this subject. )

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I usually wonder just how some individuals drop out of 1 relationship and into another – i will be maybe not some of those individuals and quite often it is difficult as you think it should be you this is the issue.

Hi, thanks for your remark. I might place it in this way: once we have hard time finding a relationship – our company is not the difficulty, nevertheless the issue lies with us. Probably one of the most problems that are common in how we see and appreciate ourselves – usually too small. If we change that, we begin attracting individuals who can recognise our beauty and love us just the method we’re. Since we don’t understand you, i might perhaps not speculate just what will be the right solution for the situation, but i shall compose more info on this subject, therefore hope it will be easy to find some responses on your own. Thank you for reading.

Hello i will be within my late 60s no. Ended up being widowed in my belated 50s. We began found and dating love once more. I became with my partner for pretty much eight years and some months he had found someone else and didn’t think he loved me any more ago he said. I will be devestated and thus uncertain of my future now. Have came across some individuals for a dating website and been on a couple of times. There is certainly someone We have met for relationship and that’s fine. Nevertheless heartbroken and would just just just take my ex right right back but most unlikely that may take place and today as a result of my age, therefore uncertain concerning the future and cry every time for the lost love.

You’ll find love at all ages, there is absolutely no question about any of it. You discovered it in your belated 50s, and lots of individuals would state it is impossible at that age too. Plus it wasn’t, right? Just What might make it harder now is your fear you won’t again find it. But why wouldn’t you? You’ve been effective to date, and invested little of one’s grown up years solitary. Just What evidence you’ve got love isn’t feasible now, and can’t take place again? You will find solitary wonderful individuals at all ages. I’ve had some as my consumers too, male and femail, of one’s or older age. You might be heartbroken now, that may additionally influence your standard of optimism. Possibly you’re not really prepared to date yet, since you will always be harmed. Offer your self a while, and simply head out on times to own a little bit of enjoyable, it is much easier to meet up the person that is right you’re not too determined it’s to occur right-here-right-now.

Dear Petra, this vicious period of ideas becomes even harder to break when it’s the truth of somebody that is within their twenties and it has never ever held it’s place in a relationship. Exactly exactly exactly What advice would they are given by you?